A Different Kind of Build Thread

Joined
Jul 4, 2015
Likes
521
Location
Houston
#1
Writing and sharing my inner thoughts with you is cathartic. I've always been able to express myself far better in words than speaking. If you've ever talked to me you're probably like "wow, she is awkward...."

So you may roll your eyes, but damnit! I’m going to do this anyway because it makes me feel better.

Here I will be following my journey to fix my licoriceed up body - a different kind of build thread. Might as well do something with the many hours, days, weeks, that I'll be stuck in bed.

Pain, Fear, & No Fks Given – A PAO Surgery Journey
I’m Scared
No seriously, I am.
Sometimes I open my eyes at night and tears well up as I stare blurrily at the ceiling, or cat fur if the asshat is on my chest, and contemplate what is happening in my life.

Whoa Nelly! Let’s rein in these emotions a bit for some backstory.

I was born a true tomboy. Wandered around with no shoes on, collecting lizards, training dogs, riding on tractors, and later in life – immersed myself in extreme motorsports. Motocross, drifting, offroading, and stand up jet skis. That is where I found one of my true loves – the first being my husband, and the other being reptiles.


Add two knee surgeries, two boob surgeries, a back surgery, some life stuff, a poopload of lizards, and now we’re up to the start of this story.

It was an unseasonably warm 2018 December day in Texas. Or maybe I should say seasonably warm since the weather here is never predictable. I was raking leaves and felt a burn in my groin. It wasn’t a UTI, or even bad gas sadly. After a few weeks of the pain only getting worse I went to to a hip surgeon and told him my complaints. He moved my leg around and shot some x-rays. Before patting my butt out the door (not literally, or I’d be rich) he said I had a cam impingement, also sometimes referred to as a bone spur, and suspected a torn labrum in my left hip. He ordered a MRI. Waiting game, waiting game, waiting game. We rang in the New Year, and after a few weeks I called the office for results. They didn’t have good news when they called back and told me that I did have a torn labrum, but that the surgeon did not perform arthroscopic surgery to fix that particular issue.

Enter surgeon two, one that was recommended by the first surgeon for performing arthroscopic surgery. Visited that office, he ordered some more detailed x-rays, and was hit with more bad news. He would not operate on me due to severity of my congenital hip displasia.

licorice off man, I’m not a dog!
Well that was my first thought since I grew up with German Shepherd dogs and they commonly had to be put down in old age because of hip displasia.

Anyway.
Arthroscopically grinding down the bone and repairing the cartilage might make my joint more loose, cause more pain, and degrade the cartilage faster. Said I was a good candidate for periacetabular osteotomy (PAO) surgery. The second surgeon recommended a hip displasia specialist who worked out of the Medical Center downtown.

Surgeon three did most of the same plus ordered a CT scan to create a 3D model of my hip to make the final decision. Weeks later I got a call. He strongly recommended the PAO surgery to best fix my pain and deal with the displasia.

Looked like my plans to race stand up jet skis and compete in crossfit, triathlon, and other sports in 2019 was about to change. Along with a lot of other, more important, things.

PAO Stands for Party All Out!
The pain? Eh, it sucks, but I can deal with it. Sure it makes it difficult to sit on the toilet – sometimes I let out a groan that sounds like I’m taking a gnarly poop when I’m actually not even close to the seat. Other times I try to pet my dog or bend to clean a lizard enclosure and have to stop because of the aches and pops. Or rolling over in bed and being awoken by a cattle-prod like poke in the crotch. licorice man.

The pain of the surgery, cutting my pelvis in 3 places and screwing back together, isn’t even what I’m worried about. It is going to hurt, that is a standard, measurable thing my Type A mind is OK with. It is predictable, even welcome to stop the increasing pain of the torn labrum and pressure in the hip. I’ll earn another scar.

The Truth
My true fear, really the universal human fear, is the unknown.

How is my life going to change? Will there be complications with the surgery? How am I going to help my husband when I can’t walk for 2 months without assistance, how will I be able to grow my reptile business, will I ever be able to ride stand ups again, can I go back to lifting heavy weights, will I be able to birth a child without complications? Hell, will I ever not feel like kicked dog poop when the weather is about to change?!

Nobody has those answers. But fortunately, I have two voices in my head talking to me. You might be familiar with your own from time to time!

One quakes in fear at the thought of uncertainty. The one that seeps out in the form of tears in the wee hours of the morning on sleepless nights. The one that has me huddled in the safety of my husband’s arms getting a temporary respite from the world with his love.

The other gives me a headache from kicking me in the soft spots and calling me a chocolate for ever doubting my own greatness. “Of course you will be fine licoriceer, c’mon you’re the One-Tit-Wonder, look at all the poop you’ve overcome so far!” That’s the spirit, stop giving so many licorices about things you can’t change.

Or better yet – welcome the adversity to grow stronger.

Can’t birth a child through the pelvis? C-sections are a thing know ya know…
Can’t ride stand ups? Pick up the GTO project where you left off for that adrenaline rush.
Worried about your husband dealing with taking care of you and alllll of your reptiles? Eat your veggies, use your crutches, and vacuums are wonderful stationary tools for cleaning monitor water!


See, life isn’t all that scary when you bolster your willpower.

This is only the first step in my journey, and I hope you follow along for the rest of the ride!
 
Last edited:
Joined
Jul 4, 2015
Likes
521
Location
Houston
#2
Only Going to get Harder

Boy – do I need a licoricein pick-me-up.

Life has ups and downs. The down times make you feel thankful for the peaks – the roller coaster is what makes life worth living. Lately though, I’ve been losing myself to the troughs.

My surgery is approaching quickly, but not quick enough. The lead up is agony. Not just because of the physical pain, but the limits. I went from doing everything…crossfit, riding jet skis, duathlons, lifting weights, working in the garage, running, bicycles, motorcycles…to nothing. It has been 3 months of nothing and really taking it’s toll. Lost muscle, gained fat, sometimes don’t want to eat at all. Like wow, food is a love of mine and sometimes I just don’t even want to take the effort to eat.


The mental toll is the worst. I’m selling all of the toys I’ve shaped my life around. Sold the GTO last weekend and there is a small hole where those memories and joy of the machine used to lie. Have a pending sale on my last remaining running ski, the crate arrived yesterday and now I have to figure out how the licorice to assemble said crate…


This is totally not true – but it feels like all of the things that made me..me…are slowly going away.

I try to look towards the future, but like I told my husband between the tears, past the surgery it is just blank. Sure there is the vague, oh it’ll get better, I’ll return to my life and be better than ever. Just not much of a tangible thought to grasp on to to pull myself out of the hole.

The realist part of me knows when it comes down to it I will dominate these issues. I can come back better. The PAO surgery often increases quality of life. I’ve been living with these licoriceed up hips (back, knees…) for 31 years, time for a positive change.

…there is just so much change that my mind is doing a TERRIBLE job at coping. I swing from incredibly positive at my new path, to curling up in a ball and wondering how the hell I can even get out of bed.

Anger motivates me to rise sometimes. One step in front of the other, the red mist descends. It gets me moving, but there are significant downsides. I grip the steering wheel in my car and just scream until my throat is raw. I used to be able to point this aggressive, competitive spirit at working out. At improving my body and mind. That’s gone, for now.

It will get worse. I think the boredom of being by myself, healing at home, is going to be one of my biggest hurdles. Of seeing the things I used to do be so distant.

What hurts me the most though, is I can’t keep my poop together for my husband and my loved ones. I don’t want to be a burden, but in trying to not be a burden I licorice it all up and burden everyone.

Such is life. Buckle up, it’s going to be an interesting ride.

“You could say to the universe this is not fair. And the universe would say: Oh, isn’t it? Sorry.”
Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
 
Joined
May 22, 2017
Likes
463
Location
SW Tenn
#4
I have followed your channel for a couple of years now. I learned how to ride a stand up to be honest based on your video.

Selling toys due to unfortunate circumstances is always a bitter experience. Thoughts of what could have been, should have been tend to pop up and post sale regret always kicks in, even if its the adult thing to do.

Your positive attitude you convey in your videos seems genuine so I have no doubt you will keep your chin up, even if you are overly hard on yourself.

I would be lying if I said reptiles were my thing but that seems to be an activity you enjoy that will fill some of the void left behind.

Rooting for you!
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2015
Likes
521
Location
Houston
#6
Have you tried juicing? Just kidding. Yes it sucks, but you have a good 60+ years to go so better to fix it now then later. Also get a gyro ball. It will allow you to still workout and you can compete online with others.
*Get the titan
https://powerballs.com/products/powerball/
Whaaaat? Dude, I like what I see.
Here I was trying to figure out how to bench press and do pullups without really being able to walk or sit. Must research, thank you!

I have followed your channel for a couple of years now. I learned how to ride a stand up to be honest based on your video.

Selling toys due to unfortunate circumstances is always a bitter experience. Thoughts of what could have been, should have been tend to pop up and post sale regret always kicks in, even if its the adult thing to do.

Your positive attitude you convey in your videos seems genuine so I have no doubt you will keep your chin up, even if you are overly hard on yourself.

I would be lying if I said reptiles were my thing but that seems to be an activity you enjoy that will fill some of the void left behind.

Rooting for you!
Honestly, that means a lot. My goal was (and still is) to expand the wonderful stand up community. Glad the videos helped!

I try to be positive in my social media, because hell, we all have bad crap in life. When you scroll through your feed just to see some bitch complaining about some unimportant thing all you can do is sigh and keep mindlessly scrolling. So....I try not to be that dumb bitch. I prefer to teach, in some way or another. Not that I am perfect by any means and am meant to be teaching haha.

The reptiles are a new venture (well the business is, owned reptiles since I was 7), and I'm hoping focusing on that business will keep me sane. Outside of family, etc the reptile business is all I've got. Just worried about taking care of them while I'm down...but that is a whole other sad-sack post I won't get into yet.

My husband has a ProForce 2.0 on the way, so as long as I can get vertical somehow I'll be shooting, editing, and posting that whole build series. Plus, like with my other surgeries, I plan to bring a GoPro and document what I can to post on YouTube as well.

I don't know if you are into alternative healing, these two people saved my life. My digestive system was shutting down, specialists could find nothing wrong. I was down to about 10 basically raw foods until I found this:
https://www.metaphysicalanatomy.com/
https://tealswan.com/
Thank you! Will research.
Definitely into alternate healing, the mind/body connection is very important.

The Anatomy of Loneliness is on Audible. Downloading now.
 
Last edited:
Joined
Feb 19, 2009
Likes
221
Location
South Africa
#7
The Metaphysical Anatomy book is mind-blowing, as I was reading through ailments and causes, I was getting flashbacks through applicable moments in my life, and relief was setting in.
Follow the process in this video while it is playing:
 
Joined
Feb 26, 2017
Likes
135
Location
Minnesota
#9
I've watched a few of the videos, I would say, you'll find something awesome to do. Hopefully it will be all of the old awesome stuff, but if not, it will be new awesome stuff.
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2015
Likes
521
Location
Houston
#11
About Time
Less than a week away and I’ll be getting my much anticipated PAO, labrum repair, and femur reshaping.

If you’ve kept up with my other posts you’ll know my mind has been a giant ball of sadness and anger.

Well – it is about time I kick that mindset in the ass and get a hold of this runaway train. Choo choo mutherlicoriceer!

Officially back in ketosis and actually feeling quite good. Have a lot more range of motion and able to get better sleep. The hip pops still feel like a swift kick in the crotch…but better than the feeling of having to poo out of your left hip constantly.

So many people see keto as a fad, and even though I enjoyed burying my sorrows in yummy pizza and Rice Krispies off and on the last 6 months, I am ecstatic to be back. The mental clarity, mood upping effects, and reduced inflammation are welcome salves to my stressed mind and body.


My husband and family continue to be the rock in which I steady myself. I know it helps nothing, but I do feel sorry for what they have to go through to take care of me. I know they’ll be stronger than me and no need to worry…but…the empath in me hates seeing other people’s pain.

Next Thursday is go-time. I’ve already started the process, deep cleaning reptile enclosures, stocking them up on food, cleaning the house…still a lot left to do. Not to mention having half of my department absent next week due to bad vacation scheduling – but that gauntlet will probably be a welcome distraction from my inner worry about the future.

I’ve been getting my book playlist together and recently started reading Can’t Hurt Me by the Navy Seal David Goggins. Great book, highly recommend. Thank you all for your support, we’ll get through this better than ever.
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2015
Likes
521
Location
Houston
#14
Some nice looking screws! how ya feeling? Or you still so doped up you cant feel?
Not too bad actually, more cognizant the previous surgeries. Fentanyl in the epidural though, more powerful than morphine.

20190426_073839.jpg


Had to take the epidural out early, having weird nerve numbness and weakness in the non surgery leg. Concerned about that, but it is wait and see. Full brunt of the pain 2 days early, I can handle that to figure out the leg thing.
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2015
Likes
521
Location
Houston
#16
Yeah they're no joke.
Walked today with a walker, 50 feet. Basically drag that leg. Had to have morphine IV after Fentanyl epidural taken out.

Blood pressure low 80/40. Almost passed out first time PT had me stand. Kicked ass the second time!

20190426_143121.jpg
 

smoofers

Rockin' the SQUARE!!!!
Site Supporter
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Likes
597
Location
Granbury, TX
#17
I don't know you or Steven but we have lots of mutual friends that have had nothing but good things to say about y'all. Look at the bright side of this whole situation 1 - you will hopefully correct an anatomical issue and improve your quality of life, nothing good comes without some suffering. 2 - you have a loving husband and family that you can rely on, regardless of how much of a burden you think you are. Stay positive and heal well!
 
Joined
Aug 2, 2017
Likes
39
Location
West MI
#20
Can’t help thinking; Are those screws torx, philips, or square drive?

Looking at xrays always makes me feel like I’m not respecting a persons privacy.

Regardless, here’s wishing you well!
 
Top Bottom